He is back from mission

My baby, is back from his mission and I’m so glad. He returned on the 27th and as soon as I saw he left me an email my heart started to be like crazy. This guy is making me soooooo HAPPY! Like no other man could do before in my life.

 I wanted to share some of his words with all of you.

[…]Well besides all that drama, I was also thinking of you the rest of the time.  While on guard, there’s not a whole lot to do except stare at the mountains, pray that we don’t get attacked, and think of our loved ones.  Of course I thought of my family but amongst my loved ones is you.  I thought a lot about us, our future, and of course all the things I wanted to do to you when I was horny as hell.  Which by the way was quite often.  There’s so much that comes to my mind when I start thinking of you.  Now, I’ve never been all that good at relationships but I think I know the problem.  Have you ever seen the movie The Break-Up?  If you haven’t you definitely should.  If you have then just know that I don’t think I’m nearly as bad as he was but I’ve usually been kind of like that.  So after finally figuring that out, I know exactly how I want to be with you.  I can’t wait to make you the happiest woman ever.  I will appreciate everything you do and show you love like no other man can show you.  I want to give you the world in my hands and myself with it.  It was making me smile just thinking about it.  You deserve a real man, a strong man, and a soft hearted man.  Not too soft hearted though or else that would take away from the strong man.  I want to be all of those for you and so much more.  I am so excited to finally be with you and it is going by pretty fast. […]

Words like these and many more make me so happy and make me keep my head up. Even if it is still a damn long time until September, I know he and me will make it through this deployment. It’s hard of course, but with the power of our love we will succeed.

Waiting on his call

The 10 days are over and I know he’s back from his mission. It’s so good to know he is back. I already got a lovely email from him about how much he was missing me and thinking of me. Now I’m here waiting on his call. Because hearing his voice is the closest thing to touching him. And talking to him on the phone always makes me happy. His calls make my days. But also the emails he sends out to me let my heart jump up and down and gives butterflies to my stomach. He is the love of my life. I still can’t believe that I found such an amazing, open, honest, lovely and strong man. I’m falling for him every day a bit more. I love my Eric bear soooooo much.

Open Love Letter to my Eric bear!

I wrote this letter on December 27, 2007 on my blog page on MySpace.com

Open Love Letter – Accept or leave me alone

Like everybody knows, there’s always a life before a relationship. Not saying that life stops when in a relationship. Life is even more intensive having a partner on your side. And I’m the luckiest woman in the world, to call Eric my man. He’s charming, loving, strong, brave, amazing … oh my, there are soooo many awesome words in this world to describe him and also there will never be enough words in this world about how much I love him, how much I feel for him. Not even the most beautiful word in this world can discribe my deep, true and real emotions I feel for him. And no mind other than his and mine will ever be able to grasp the deep connection we have. And people who never experienced what Eric and me experience right now will ever understand that this is possible. Yes, all these pessimists are right, that we never met in reality before. But this doesn’t matter to us. Actually we think it’s ten times better meeting this way than starting off with sex. You don’t want to understand that? Fine with me. But leave me alone giving me shit about it. Even that I try to explain my emotions here you will never have a clue about my feelings for Eric. He’s my sunshine on a cloudy rainy day. He’s my pillow when I need to whine about anything. He makes me happy, even that he’s thousands of miles away from me. He’s my anchor windward. Just knowing how much he feels for me and that we are together makes me feel complete. Our minds, hearts and souls speak to each other. Or like he phrased it: “Knowing a reunion on day to come, For now soul speaking as we are one”. During the last couple weeks Eric became the biggest part in my life. And I made it to my, call it mission, duty, assignment, to motivate him during his deployment. To keep him smiling at the other end of the world, at a place where it seems no God of any religion, no higher power at all is present. I’m his driving force while he’s there. I can’t wait to have him in my arms. To kiss him, cuddle with him, giving him all kind of love I am able to give, to drink and be goofy with him. I want to START THE CONTINUATION OF OUR LOVE LIFE TOGETHER. At the end I have to tell you, that if you have been a friend with benefits before my relationship, don’t expect me to hook up with you for that kinda friendship. I AM FAITHFUL. If you can’t deal with the fact that I AM TAKEN than you have to deal with the fact I can’t be your friend no more.
ERIC, I LOVE YOU FROM THE DEPTH OF MY HEART!!!

I Miss My Soldier

My amazing Eric bear,

The thought of you is so familiar and constant upon my mind that any distraction but even for a moment leaves my heart wanting and wishing for your return. You have this woman’s heart overflowing with desire for your presence. If for nothing more than a soft kiss upon your hand or a touch upon your cheek, I want. The thoughts created from within your mind amaze me. Hours, years and lifetimes of light and in deep conversation could be enjoyed between us. From the beauty of a summer’s day or the color of your eyes to the folding of time and space or the beginning of a new life, I could be absorbed in sharing thoughts, ideas and dreams with you forever and beyond.

To hear your voice elates me. The thought of you makes me smile. The thought of you unhappy, just as easily crushes me. You have affected me in so many ways. The adrenalin runs through my body with overwhelming desire for you; I hope that your reaction is not unlike my own. It seems that my heart has nearly come to the point where my mind has no words to relay the passion felt within. A fire grows daily. From wanting, desiring, and needing more. Yes much more.

I wish that I knew, whether my feelings were my own or were also shared by you. Not that I require such attention but the lack of it causes wonder if my emotions are directed but not returned. But even through this uncertainty, my desire continues to grow.
Each morning as I rise and each night as I lay my mind returns to you. And throughout the day I anticipate the chance to hear your voice and hear the words to put my mind at ease, saying that you have feelings for me, a desire to continue on a path that leads to us.

I long for you until you come back and we’ll can start out continuation!

Lonely night, still head up high

He is out. He is on a mission. No email. No word to read. No call. No word to hear. Three days are over. Seven more to go. And the question I hear is: Is it hard not to hear from him? Of course it is. Seriously, what kind of a question is that. How do you feel? is another question. I feel empty inside. I feel that loneliness coming over me. But I know he loves me and I love him too. I’m sending out my love to him, like a guardian angel putting its wings around him. Are you worried? is the next question. Uhm, what? Of course I’m worried. Even if he tells me I should not be worried. But I am. Try to control feelings. It is not possible. They come and go. So my worries come and go. And every time they come back they hit me even harder. Long restless nights are behind me and more long restless nights are coming. Like tonight. I am supposed to sleep. For maybe three hours already. But my thoughts of him are so strong, that my mind cannot find any rest. And when I try to close my eyes his face appears. With that lovely big smile and those clear blue eyes. A smile I cannot wait to see in front of me. Smiling back at me when I smile at him. I am not trying to measure the distance between Eric and me, I try to measure our love for each other. But distance can be a dagger in the heart of two lovers. In the same time distance between two hearts is not an obstacle, rather a great reminder of just strong true love can be.

Every single day I have that warm feeling in my chest and my heart beats fast and strong when I think of the day I will be finally able to hold my dear love in my arms. I want to hold him close. I want to feel his arms wrapped around my body. Until this day will come I will be strong and will keep my head up high. I will count down every single minute, hour, day, week and month until Eric and I will be together. And every single day which passes by brings us closer to each other. But for now I just want that mission to be over.

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