Comfort Me In Pain

It took me a while, but I found you,
And no one else holds my heart in their hand like you do.
Friends might think I am lost and out of my mind.
But with you in my heart I am everything but lost.
Is it too late for me, now that you hold her in your arms?
It seems like you would not had chosen her if I would had found you earlier.
I know you are not the same for me like you are for others.
I see you in another light.
Can you forgive me the doubts still running through my mind?
I lay open my heart for you.
Because I know you take care of her, you will be gentle.
That is all I want and need to know.
Knowing you will do so fills my heart with love and gives me the strength to keep my head up.
I just wish you could lay your arms around, when I’m lying weak on the floor.
So far your spiritual presence doesn’t seem enough, physical comfort is well needed.
I know you have something up for me and for now it seems I cannot be patient.
Why you let me wait here for the one who will give me love and comfort, for the one who will be there for me and strong enough to carry my burdens for a while, when I am too weak to walk around with them.
Is it because it took me so long?
Did you know that I will find my way to you?
My love for you is different,
I know you are around and somehow I have the feeling that I knew it all the time, just did not want to see it.
But it is clear for me now.
Things start to make sense to me.
Even if your ways are strange in some way.
You bring pain and heartache to me, let me go through betrayals and frustrations and even that you bring joy and luck into my life, it seems that my life is harder than the lives of others.
Why had to go through this tragedy?
Why you still let me suffer from this day?
When will be my time to find peace inside?
When will I be able to let go, completely?
When will this hate die away?
Hate I stored deep inside my heart. It does not feel like my hate is a dying breed, it is more like a rising breed.
When will you send me that special angel, I once thought I found, who will take care of me?
Don’t let me standing here alone.
The strength in me is breakable, I am vulnerable.
I am just a woman in need.
I cannot give you more than my heart and that love I feel for you.
Come and complete me while I am here on my knees mourning for the ones I lost.
Dry my tears, hold my shaking body, clear my confused mind.


You’re Gone

You’re Gone

As a single,
Solemn teardrop falls,
I silently think,
Of the angel that calls.

Because you are gone now,
Once again I’m broken,
And I can’t talk about this,
My heart won’t open.

I can’t believe,
That you actually let go,
I go over in my head,
On what you taught me, everything I know.

I try to picture your smile,
But it fades away,
And how much I miss you,
Words could not say.

I try to remember the good times,
But I’m overwhelmed with grief,
And you can’t come back,
You are in a forever-eternal sleep.

I say your name,
And my voice just breaks,
I wish I was in your place,
And that you were still awake.

I really miss you,
Love you from the bottom of my heart,
And already here with out you,
I am falling apart.

I hope you are happy now,
That you are pain free,
And I will always remember like you said to me,
That you are watching over me.

R.I.P. Jennifer Crow

Without You Here, Jen

Without You Here
Although you are gone,
Your spirit still lives on.
We miss you and cry
With every day that goes by.
Knowing that you’re in a better place
Just brings a smile to my face.
I wish you were still here with me,
But I know that can never be.
I always wonder why you had to go
And this is something I will never know.
I hope to see you very soon.
But for now I’ll just keep wishing to the moon.
Eternal Flame
R.I.P. Jennifer Crow

You will never be forgotten

3/11/84 – 2/12/08

For you, Jen

I don’t know where to start. Can’t find the right words for this.
She’s missing, she’s gone. She’ll be loved until eternity. By her family, her husband, her friends… by everyone who knew her.
Jen was such an amazing and awesome woman. Unfortunately I never made it to meet her in real life. But we went through all kinda Ups and Downs for over 4 years.
I never thought that a friendship only online can be so intense. So real and true. I’m so hurt, so numb…SHOCKED!!! She left us way too early.

Jen, I’ll love you forever. And I’ll miss you so bad. But I know I’ll see again one day. When my time is up. And than we will finally make it happen to party the shit outta each other. Oh girl, if I think of all the plans you had on your mind. I can’t believe that you won’t be able to realize them.

I miss and love you, and I will never forget our last and oh soooo funny chat on Yahoo! I never ever had a friend doing such crazy things on cam all of a sudden. Thank you for putting all these smiles on my face during the last year, for drying my tears when I was in need. You have been my sunshine, when my days seemed to be rainy. Even now, that I’m here in tears and think of all the things we had I have that light smile on my face. And it hurts.



R.I.P. Jennifer Crow – Miss you, girl

I will never forget you.

Eternal Flame

I am too shocked right now to say anything more. I can’t believe those news.



Two die in wreck in icy conditions on Western Kentucky Parkway

02:14 PM EST on Tuesday, February 12, 2008

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (AP) — Police say two people have died after the car they were in slid off an icy highway in western Kentucky.

It happened as a winter storm blanketed large portions of central and western Kentucky late Monday and early Tuesday, leaving a treacherous mix of snow and ice.

State police say the car overturned early Tuesday after going off the road four miles east of Caneyville when the driver lost control of the vehicle.

Police say 19-year-old Haley Scott of Muldraugh and 23-year-old Jennifer Crow of Smyrna, Ga., were thrown from the car. Neither was wearing a seat belt.

Police say the driver of the vehicle was 23-year-old Charles Jason Hutchins of Hopkinsville. He was wearing a seatbelt and was not hurt.

(Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Mad mood

Ok, I’m a little bit pissed or should I stay more friendly and say: I’m mad??? Anyway, today I was supposed to see my buddy Travis. Even after we already fixed the appointment he canceled it about 10 minutes before I wanted to drive up to his place. And now his stupid excuse: He didn’t know that his “so-called” girl finished her school thingy earlier than 5pm and he has to go pick her up because she’s taking the damn train.

Seriously, I was looking forward in seeing him today, because last time was in October 2006. 15 months ago, because he was deployed to Iraq. Now, I’m sitting here and I’m really disappointed. I thought we are friends, like brother & sister and all of a sudden “his so-called/almost girl” is more important? And if I get it right he saw her during the last couple days since he’s back from his deployment. I also asked him if she cannot just wait a day and see him tomorrow? I guess he realized that I’m mad.

How else should I feel? The next time I’ll be able to make time for him will be in 8 days and than he’ll be on his freaking Block Leave (in the States). I mean, hey I can’t change my schedule just for him. That’s not possible. And since last week Thursday we both knew we will meet today, my only day off this week. But no, he doesn’t care about me and just makes plans with his girl. F*** it!!!

He is back from mission

My baby, is back from his mission and I’m so glad. He returned on the 27th and as soon as I saw he left me an email my heart started to be like crazy. This guy is making me soooooo HAPPY! Like no other man could do before in my life.

 I wanted to share some of his words with all of you.

[…]Well besides all that drama, I was also thinking of you the rest of the time.  While on guard, there’s not a whole lot to do except stare at the mountains, pray that we don’t get attacked, and think of our loved ones.  Of course I thought of my family but amongst my loved ones is you.  I thought a lot about us, our future, and of course all the things I wanted to do to you when I was horny as hell.  Which by the way was quite often.  There’s so much that comes to my mind when I start thinking of you.  Now, I’ve never been all that good at relationships but I think I know the problem.  Have you ever seen the movie The Break-Up?  If you haven’t you definitely should.  If you have then just know that I don’t think I’m nearly as bad as he was but I’ve usually been kind of like that.  So after finally figuring that out, I know exactly how I want to be with you.  I can’t wait to make you the happiest woman ever.  I will appreciate everything you do and show you love like no other man can show you.  I want to give you the world in my hands and myself with it.  It was making me smile just thinking about it.  You deserve a real man, a strong man, and a soft hearted man.  Not too soft hearted though or else that would take away from the strong man.  I want to be all of those for you and so much more.  I am so excited to finally be with you and it is going by pretty fast. […]

Words like these and many more make me so happy and make me keep my head up. Even if it is still a damn long time until September, I know he and me will make it through this deployment. It’s hard of course, but with the power of our love we will succeed.

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